A little bit of self-spoiling and a plan.

I love portrait photography and its something that I've wanted to get into for a while now but I've been so afraid to take the first step. Besides, simply googling photography in any area seems to spew out tons and tons of talented already-established photographers. So instead of psyching myself out, I'm going to start at a logical beginning. A 365. Not really a personal 365 where I take a picture of myself everyday, but definitely at least one picture a day. One unique picture a day. Cause Lord knows I will never learn anything if I don't even have the courage to move past my backyard. I'm hoping to start out with random things, a flower here, scenery there and then slowly work my way to people. Family and friends first and then to strangers. I think it's a reasonable goal for a one year time line. The start date 21st of March, until then I've been inhaling every little bit of photography know-how I can find.

That said, I did some more research on portrait photography and appropriate lenses for just that. I had an earlier post with a 50mm, a 35mm and two micro lenses. I quickly realized I was way off track (though the micro lenses are still on my list for future purchases) and finally settled on ordering the Nikkor 50mm 1.4 D (my D80 has built in AF so I don't need to spend the extra $$ on the G) and the Nikkor 85mm 1.8 D. Both got excellent reviews and were widely regarded as solid portrait lenses. They should be sitting on my desk by this time tomorrow and I couldn't be more excited. 

I've also been working on websites on the side in order to get back up to par (not to mention it's like work that doesn't feel like work). I'm hoping to kind of incorporate this into my business too, but that's still up in the air right now. I'm hoping to build my own website over the next couple weeks. 

Just trying to stay busy.

I've fallen off the blogging bandwagon.

You don't have to tell me because I already know: I am the queen of inconsistency. At least I'm good at something, right? I have been feeling so unmotivated lately with the exception of picking up my camera to reeeeeeeally get to know it. I've never messed much with manual settings but why have a fancy shmancy camera if you never bother shooting in something other than Auto? I want to upgrade eventually so it's better if I know the ins and outs of a DSLR now. 

Back to inconsistency. It's no secret that my social life is non-existent. After moving to our current location, I had a hard time finding people I related to. I felt like I was between two social circles: the really (really) young couples that only wanted to go out and party and the ones closer to our age but already well on the way to building a family (and preferred playdates as hang out time--difficult when you don't have children).

Needless to say, these walls don't make for good company and I think I've finally reached that stir-crazy point. So where do I go from here? I stumbled on a video that I had seen a while ago but completely forgot about and it's really resonated with me this time around. It's called "How to be Alone."

I'm going to try to really take this idea to heart and stop keeping myself all cooped up. And hopefully take some pictures along the way.

A blast from the past and a question.

“One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. Which road do I take? she asked. Where do you want to go? was his response. I don't know, Alice answered. Then, said the cat, it doesn't matter.” - Alice in Wonderland

 

Lets rewind about 2 years + a couple months, yes? Yup, that's me. I know, I'm kinda hard to recognize with my hair being quite a bit shorter, but that's me. And my neglected best friend (a couple days after we first met). Do you ever dig through old pictures and wonder where the time has gone? I have. Very frequently as of late. In fact, I miss the "old" me. I was much more ambitious and a lot less worried about failure or rejection. Lately I can't remember a night where it takes me less than 3 hours to fall asleep because I'm so stressed and anxious (for no good reason) She's lost somewhere, but I'm trying to find her again. And trust me, I will. And when I do, we will have a grand reunion party. Also, I promise I'm not schizophrenic or have multiple personality disorder. I'm just on that proverbial "finding myself" journey.

On to the question: I'd love to do portrait photography. I think I have potential to be really darn good at it, but thus far I've only taken pictures of family and people I'm close to. How do you make the leap to people you don't know? I have no idea where to start!

New Directions && a Wishlist

Lately I've been trying to make a habit of picking up my camera again. I've been keeping it on the back burner for a long time but photography has always been an interest of mine. Not that I consider myself to be a photographer. But I'd like to be one. Someday. I'd love to open my own small web design/photography business but there is so much competition out there, which makes it hard to stand out (especially when you're trying really super hard to save money and don't have any left over to invest in starting said business). So for the time being I'm trying to take my time and really get to know my style and talents before I jump onto that bandwagon. 

Unfortunately this development has led me to spend horrendous amounts of time on the Nikon website looking at lenses and flash additions and I found three that I'd love to squeeze into my tiny, ancient camera bag.

 

 

1. AF NIKKOR 50mm f/1.8D || $134.95 esp || (here)

2. AF-S DX NIKKOR 35mm f/1.8G || $199.95 esp || (here)

3. SB-400 Speedlight Unit  || $119.95 esp || (here)

Annnd the splurge items:

1.AF-S Micro NIKKOR 60mm f/2.8G ED || $599.95 esp || (here)

2.AF-S DX Micro NIKKOR 85mm f/3.5G ED VR || $529.95 esp || (here)

And of course, I'm still dreaming about that aaaaaaamazing Theit bag. Really. Like pretty much every night.

The good ol' days

I've finally dug up my old external and started sorting through images for a beginner portfolio. This one's from a beach vacation way back when. They make me think of summer, and how I can't wait for the weather to get warm (and stay warm!)

Oh beach, how I miss you.

Friend Friday/Have you met my thighs?

I'm behind, as always.

1. Since you started blogging has your image of yourself changed? 

I'm learning to love myself by dressing right. That probably sounds silly but when you don't know how to dress for your body type, it only exaggerates your flaws and brings you down. But now that I'm learning to dress in ways that flatter my shape, I've become so much more happy with myself.

2. Are you self-conscious about any aspect of yourself? If so, do you go out of your way to avoid it or do you post it/talk about it anyway? 

Yes yes yes. Though, I'm fairly sure that my flaws only seem to stick out to me. By most standards, I'm considered petite. But let me tell you, I've got thighs (don't believe me? Check them out below this answer). They're the family thighs. My Mum has them, my sister has them and my grandmother has them (and I'm sure my great grandmother and great great grandmother had them too). They don't go away. I'll lose my chest long before my leges ever loose any ounce of weight. I've tried. Beliiiieeeeeve me, I've tried.  Same goes for my bum. That I don't share with my family. But I don't mind talking about them. Because it's a sad sad truth that every girl you meet, no matter how perfect she looks, probably has something about her that she would change if she could. But I think it's our flaws that make us relatable, so I have no problems putting em out there.

3. Based on how you are feeling now, what do you think the future holds in the evolution of your body image? 

I think I'll continue to learn to love myself. I may not ever feel 100% secure with the way I look, but it's leaps and bounds from where I was before. And I think as I continue I'm going to realize that my flaws stand out more to me than to others and that I should be thankful that my bum and thighs are the worst of my problems.

4. Do you photograph yourself for your blog? If so, how do you feel about the experience when you’re having your picture taken? If you choose not to post pictures of yourself, what prompted that decision? I photograph myself. It's strange putting myself out there and I admit I'm not very good at doing it on a regular basis but I think that all goes back to my insecurities. If I don't like the way an outfit looks on me or realize it looks different than I had pictured, it's not going up. That camera-honesty thing is killing me right now but it's only teaching me what compliments my body and what doesn't. Thank you, camera, for never sugar coating anything.

5. What would you want every person who struggles with body image to take to heart?

Like I said earlier, even the most gorgeous girl out there, unless she's completely narcissistic,  is going to look in the mirror and see something she doesn't like. Freshman year I roomed with this gooooorgeous blonde. Tall, rail thin, perfect white teeth and confidence to boot. And guess what? Even though I thought she was perfect, she saw flaws. The thing is, your flaws will always look 100 times worse to you than to someone else. I think loving yourself is a process, but it's a worthwhile one.

Valentines, Watson and Theit Loveliness

I wanted to post a picture today but the weather is awful and the lighting indoors is just washing me out. Today is not a good picture day :( 

As I mentioned previously, Valentine's Day isn't on my list of major holidays to celebrate. Instead it was spent with the pooch enjoying the great outdoors, with yummy (grilled!) BBQ chicken for dinner and watching the very much anticipated Watson Jeopardy showdown. 

I was a little bummed at first because I was expecting less background information and more jeopardy but afterward I was happy that they explained the technology behind Watson. I can't wait to see how it does tonight. (On a side note, its crazy how much technology has advanced in such a short period of time. In 40-some odd years we've gone from the first personal computer to building algorithms that understand--or simulate understanding of-- the human language and all it's little subtleties). 

In other news, have you seen The Daybook's recent give-away? It's this amazing, gorgeous have-to-have-it Theit bag. I had already planned on getting one anyway, when it becomes available again, but it would be so much nicer to get it for free! With all the people already entered, I doubt I'll be chosen but I can hope! I've been toting around my Mum's old Canon bag (despite the fact that I have a Nikon!) and I could really use an upgrade. Keeping my fingers crossed :) Here's hoping a little Birthday luck (it's coming up prettttttyyyy soon) will help me out.